What? Who?
So I have 2 tattoos...well, I actually have well over 15 (I've lost count and yeah, they're addicting...) but I have 2 specific tattoos that represent a very big and meaningful part of my life. One writes "Ni de aqui, ni de alla" and one writes the title of this post. The first translates to "Neither here nor there" and the other pretty much says "Forever Torn", with the second word obviously written in another language (It's Greek. I'm -part- Greek. Opa!)
Why? Well, I have been blessed and cursed to have lived my 30 some years in 2 different countries. I say blessed and cursed and it's hard to explain why but anyone who has dual nationalities or has lived large parts of their lives in different countries (especially in their childhood years) would understand.
So here's a brief background: My father is Greek, my mother is Romanian and I was born and partly raised in Los Angeles, California up until my high school years. Summers were always spent in Greece with the grandparents and I lived there as a small child for about 2 years as well. Right before 10th grade, we moved once more back to Athens where I lived for the next 5 years. Then at the ripe age of 18 went back to the US where I stayed for 8 years, living in Columbus,O-H-I-O first and then subtle little Las Vegas, Nevada for the last 5. Then, almost 5 yeas ago, decided to move my happy ass back to Greece where I've been residing ever since.
Ping-pong balling it much? I can't explain it. I can't explain this urge every so often to want to up and move to that other place I call home. It's almost ineffable. Maybe it's because I have such a strong connection with both countries. When I'm in one, I'm always thinking how my life would be had I stayed at the other. My mind might be at the place I am in but my heart is always floating to "that other place".
I love both Greece and the United States and when I'm in Greece, I'm American and when I'm in America, I'm Greek. Funnily enough (LOL), it's almost as if I feel like I belong to both but belong to neither. I'm always asked "Where are you from" no matter what country I am in. I personally don't mind, it's just funny to feel a certain way and have strangers sorta solidify what you are feeling. I cherish so many things from each and,of course, there's pros and cons to living anywhere.
5 years ago, I made the decision to come back to Greece. All of my family is pretty much in some part of Europe and I missed the life of Greece. No matter what the economic situation is, there's just a different aura and spirit about this place. Again, it's ineffable ( I just learned this word, and I like it! Can't you tell?). I'll never get used to living here. My way of thinking while processing and dealing with situations is 100% American and some times it's hard to comprehend the mentality around here. America was really hard to give up. I knew I had to though for many reasons. Family, health, spiritual.
Plus, I'm in EUROPE. Fucking. Europe. If there's anything to know about me, it's that I love to travel and I've done as much as I can since I've been back...and boy has it been amazing. Not that I couldn't when I was in the US but for purely economical and geographical reasons, it definitely wasn't doable to do as often.
I never got the chance to tap into my Romanian side. Apart from the occasional trips to Bucharest to visit the other set of grandparents, I never really connected as I should have. At a younger age, my mother was busy herself trying to learn both Greek and English so I never picked up on the language, something that I regret to this day but it's not like I'm doing anything about it to be honest. Ah, maybe one day....Can you imagine having a THIRD place to call home!? 2 place are emotionally exhausting enough....
Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this...I guess I'm just missing the states again. I was lucky enough to recently visit after a 4 1/2 year absence and it was absolutely everything I needed for my soul. There's an overwhelming amount of people all over thατ country that I love to bits and love me just as much back. Not that I don't have loved ones here in Greece but I guess the last 8 years I spent in the US in both Columbus and Las Vegas shaped who I was as an adult. Equipped with all the teachings my parents taught me as a child, those places and the experiences I lived through molded me into the human being that I am today. I came out a certain way and I wouldn't take back a single moment- not even the bad ones.
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| I love this picture. My brother and I circa 1993 or so. The shirt and the fanny pack kill me. I'm awesome. |
So I have 2 tattoos...well, I actually have well over 15 (I've lost count and yeah, they're addicting...) but I have 2 specific tattoos that represent a very big and meaningful part of my life. One writes "Ni de aqui, ni de alla" and one writes the title of this post. The first translates to "Neither here nor there" and the other pretty much says "Forever Torn", with the second word obviously written in another language (It's Greek. I'm -part- Greek. Opa!)
Why? Well, I have been blessed and cursed to have lived my 30 some years in 2 different countries. I say blessed and cursed and it's hard to explain why but anyone who has dual nationalities or has lived large parts of their lives in different countries (especially in their childhood years) would understand.
So here's a brief background: My father is Greek, my mother is Romanian and I was born and partly raised in Los Angeles, California up until my high school years. Summers were always spent in Greece with the grandparents and I lived there as a small child for about 2 years as well. Right before 10th grade, we moved once more back to Athens where I lived for the next 5 years. Then at the ripe age of 18 went back to the US where I stayed for 8 years, living in Columbus,O-H-I-O first and then subtle little Las Vegas, Nevada for the last 5. Then, almost 5 yeas ago, decided to move my happy ass back to Greece where I've been residing ever since.
Ping-pong balling it much? I can't explain it. I can't explain this urge every so often to want to up and move to that other place I call home. It's almost ineffable. Maybe it's because I have such a strong connection with both countries. When I'm in one, I'm always thinking how my life would be had I stayed at the other. My mind might be at the place I am in but my heart is always floating to "that other place".
I love both Greece and the United States and when I'm in Greece, I'm American and when I'm in America, I'm Greek. Funnily enough (LOL), it's almost as if I feel like I belong to both but belong to neither. I'm always asked "Where are you from" no matter what country I am in. I personally don't mind, it's just funny to feel a certain way and have strangers sorta solidify what you are feeling. I cherish so many things from each and,of course, there's pros and cons to living anywhere.
5 years ago, I made the decision to come back to Greece. All of my family is pretty much in some part of Europe and I missed the life of Greece. No matter what the economic situation is, there's just a different aura and spirit about this place. Again, it's ineffable ( I just learned this word, and I like it! Can't you tell?). I'll never get used to living here. My way of thinking while processing and dealing with situations is 100% American and some times it's hard to comprehend the mentality around here. America was really hard to give up. I knew I had to though for many reasons. Family, health, spiritual.
Plus, I'm in EUROPE. Fucking. Europe. If there's anything to know about me, it's that I love to travel and I've done as much as I can since I've been back...and boy has it been amazing. Not that I couldn't when I was in the US but for purely economical and geographical reasons, it definitely wasn't doable to do as often.
I never got the chance to tap into my Romanian side. Apart from the occasional trips to Bucharest to visit the other set of grandparents, I never really connected as I should have. At a younger age, my mother was busy herself trying to learn both Greek and English so I never picked up on the language, something that I regret to this day but it's not like I'm doing anything about it to be honest. Ah, maybe one day....Can you imagine having a THIRD place to call home!? 2 place are emotionally exhausting enough....
Anyway, I don't know where I'm going with this...I guess I'm just missing the states again. I was lucky enough to recently visit after a 4 1/2 year absence and it was absolutely everything I needed for my soul. There's an overwhelming amount of people all over thατ country that I love to bits and love me just as much back. Not that I don't have loved ones here in Greece but I guess the last 8 years I spent in the US in both Columbus and Las Vegas shaped who I was as an adult. Equipped with all the teachings my parents taught me as a child, those places and the experiences I lived through molded me into the human being that I am today. I came out a certain way and I wouldn't take back a single moment- not even the bad ones.
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